Jokes about Native Wildlife

Birds

A bird suddenly appears at a chemist's counter. "Some lip balm please" it asked. "Would you like to pay by cash or cheque", asked the assistant. The bird replied "Just put it on my bill please"!

Q. Why did the blackbird go to the library?
A. It was looking for bookworms!

Two owls are sat having a beer in a pub. One turns to the other and says, "By the way, I got married last week". The second one says, "You twit, to who?"

Murphy's First Law of Birding: The greater the time spent searching for a rare bird, the greater the chances it will be stood on your car when you return to the car park!

Q. How do you know if you are a birder?
A. You're planning to fake you own death to see the vultures!

Q. What birds spend all their time on their knees?
A. Birds of prey!

Two magpies were eating a dead clown. One asked the other "does that taste funny to you?"

Bees

Q. Who is a bee's favourite singer?
A. Sting!

Q. What did one bee say to the other on a hot summer's day in the nest?
A. Swarm in 'ere innit?!

Q. Why do bees hum?
A. They always forget the words!

Q. What does a queen bee do when she burps?
A. Issue a Royal Pardon!

Q. Why did the queen bee throw all the other bees out of her nest?
A. Because they kept droning on!

Frogs

Q. What is a frog's favourite flower?
A. A croakus!

Q. When is a car like a frog?
A. When it is being toad!

Q. Where do frogs keep their money?
A. The River Bank!

Butterflies & Moths

Q. What is the biggest moth in history?
A. A mammoth!

Q. What do caterpillars do on New Years day?
A. Promise to turn over a new leaf!

Centipedes & Millipedes

Q. What is worse than a giraffe with a sore throat?
A. A millipede with Athlete's Foot!

Mice

Q. When would a mouse really need an umbrella?
A. When it's raining cats and dogs!

Q. What song does every mouse hate?
A. What's up pussycat?

Q. Why do mice need oiling?
A. To stop them squeaking!

A mouse in a restaurant broke her teeth while eating. Her insensitive boyfriend tried to help by saying, "That's hard cheese"!

Slugs & snails

Q. What is a slug?
A. A snail with a housing problem!

Two snails started fighting. Everyone left them to slug it out!

Q. What was the snail doing on the motorway?
A. About 1 thousandth of a mile an hour!

Spiders

Q. Why do spiders swim well?
A. They have webbed feet!

Flies

Q. What is a fly's favourite chat-up line?
A. "Is this stool taken?"

Ants

Q. What is the biggest ant in the world?
A. An elephant!

Q. What do you give an ill ant?
A. Antibiotics!